Guest Post: My Awkward Ass Lesbian Life by Joi Miner and giveaway

Happy Friday!

Joi Miner is here to discuss coming out and the A Stud in Stilettos series.

She’s giving away e-copies of book 1 and 2 in the series to two winners. More details are below.

Please welcome Joi Miner

My Awkward Ass Lesbian Life

I’m a 36-year-old lesbian. This would be “normal” if I wasn’t the mother of 2, twice divorced from their fathers. People think it’s a phase. It’s frustrating. Having to explain to everyone, from my mother to my neighbors to my friends, and even my therapist that I am not bi-sexual. That I am not jaded. That I have always been lesbian. That’s my favorite conversation to have. And, to make matters worse, I’m classified as a “femme” (even though I prefer the term “Stud in Stilettos” but we’ll get to that later).

Most of my life, I was a lesbian playing a straight girl. I could’ve won an Oscar for it, too. I was a cheerleader, played soccer, rocked dresses and heels, modeled, can slay some make-up, and have two beautiful children with my two ex-husbands. My teens were interesting because I got to experiment, which only confirmed for me what I already knew. But, I wasn’t ready to divulge that information. Especially because I knew that it would kill my mama. Since I wasn’t ready to lose her so young, I posed. I played the role so well that I began to believe it myself. Pretending became… easier.

I came out publicly last June, at the ripe old age of 35. My daughter was the one who told me to stop fighting it because she’d never seen me be as comfortable with a man in all 15 years and 2 dads of her life. Yes, I said 2 dads of her life. Lol. So, I accepted it. Well, kind of. I’ve only had 2 “oh my God, I’m really a lesbian” breakdowns so far. But there were times when I wanted to crawl back up the rabbit hole and pretend that I never knew that Wonderland existed. I mean, that’s what this new world was to me. There were women, big, small, thick and thin, light and dark, feminine and masculine, dominant and submissive. I felt like Alice trying all of those different treats and sweets. Heterosexuality had been my White Rabbit. I was chasing it because I thought it would get me the acceptance of the world that I lived in, when in reality, I was conforming to the will of the “Queen of Hearts” or societal standards. (I can beat the hell out of a metaphor, can’t I? Lol)

I had been playing straight for so long that I didn’t really know how to be myself. For the first time in my life, I could relate to the pimply-faced, awkward teens. I was searching for my place in the world, beginning with my preference and label. I mean, you have to have those, right. What self-respecting lesbian doesn’t want to be branded and stamped? So, in order to be LGBTQ-Approved, I needed to decide on these things. What kind of woman did I like? How did I identify? How do I explain that I have two children, but I’m gay? What do you call a woman who loves all kinds of women, dresses like a “straight woman”, has children, loves sports, curses like a drunken sailor, likes to give and receive sexually, and can throw down in the kitchen and go out to the garage and put together a car? You call her— wait for it— a lesbian. *gasp* Well, I prefer EOL (Equal Opportunity Lesbian).

I guess I didn’t get the “Welcome to the LGBTQ+ World Handbook” that they give out when you come out. Maybe it got lost in the mail. All I knew for sure was that I felt like a fish outta water, gasping for air in this new heavenly atmosphere I was in. I call it heavenly because… well, the women. Duh! Women are just beautiful. They’re the 8th Wonder of the World, in my humble opinion. Their strength, the way their bodies curve, the softness of their features, their laughter. I was a kid in a candy store ready to give myself a stomachache. But I wasn’t supposed to feel like that. I was supposed to want a particular kind of woman. How was that gonna work? To me, they were all women when they took off whatever kind of clothes they had on at the end of the day.

This is where the term “A Stud in Stilettos”, the title of my first Lesfic novel series, comes in. I wasn’t the typical “femme” and I definitely wasn’t a “stud”. All the variations of those base labels are just confusing, so I gave up trying to shape-shift to find one that fit. I accepted my reality. I was a dominant female who loved to dress in “women’s clothes”. So, when I remembered the term a former friend used to define herself, “A Stud in Stilettos”, I was all over it. It fit. I soon found others who fit that “label” and my release of my series “A Stud in Stilettos: A Lesbian Love Tale” only brought out more women who felt like I did. But it also did something cool, it opened up our world to heterosexuals. It gave them a level of understanding that we are just people who want to be loved and allowed to love who we want. The response was beautiful and encouraged me to pen other Lesfic novels. It’s actually my preferred genre now. So, at 36, I’m finally one of the “cool kids”. Well, not really, but that’s what I like to tell myself. Might even run for office. Joi Miner for Class(ification) President: “Merging Worlds One Novel At A Time.”

Amazon links

Book 1  /   Book 2



Joi Miner is a 36-year-old lesbian mother of two, from Montgomery, Al (currently residing in Birmingham) who has turned her love for the stage literature into a successful career. A full-time entrepreneur, this author, poet, editor, and storyteller, loves spending time with family and friends, listening to good music, and using her gifts to articulate the world as she sees it to the masses. Joi loves writing engaging stories, with plot twists that keep her audience on the edge of their seats! From poetry to urban fiction to lesfic and beyond, she believes there’s a great story in each of our lives, and loves to bring those close to her to life on the stage and the page.



Facebook / Twitter / Instagram: @JoiMiner



Enter here for a chance to win the 


All you need to do is fill in your email, check the box confirming you aren’t a robot, and hit enter.

  • 2 winners
  • Value:
  • Prize:
    E-copies of book 1 & 2

Enter to #win the #lesfic series A Stud in Stilettos by Joi Miner



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Thanks so much for stopping by today.

Best of luck to everyone who enters the giveaway.

Have a fab weekend!


About TBM

TB Markinson is an American who's recently returned to the US after a seven-year stint in the UK and Ireland. When she isn't writing, she's traveling the world, watching sports on the telly, visiting pubs in New England, or reading. Not necessarily in that order. Her novels have hit Amazon bestseller lists for lesbian fiction and lesbian romance. She cohosts the Lesbians Who Write Podcast ( with Clare Lydon. TB also runs I Heart Lesfic (, a place for authors and fans of lesfic to come together to celebrate lesbian fiction.
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3 Responses to Guest Post: My Awkward Ass Lesbian Life by Joi Miner and giveaway

  1. Pingback: New Lesfic Goodies: March 20th Edition | I Heart Lesfic

  2. Adan Ramie says:

    I relate to this coming-out story so hard. Two kids and everything!

    • TBM says:

      I’m thrilled Joi shared her story. Everyone has their own personal journey, but many can relate on some level, which makes us feel less alone. Thanks so much for reading.

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